Our Relationship Was Hell But It Taught Me My Worth
Whenever I look in the mirror I see a warrior. Believe it or not, just a couple of months ago all I saw was a little girl suffering inside her own skin because of a man who only cared about himself and who didn’t know how to love her properly.
You never cared about me, did you? You never asked me how my day went and you never asked me about the way I felt. You never even asked me if I was happy with you. You just cared about yourself. It was always about your agony, your suffering and your problems. What I was going through was never on your mind.
The hell you put me through of doubting myself and feeling like I wasn’t good enough for you was the biggest torture I have ever gone through. You didn’t hit me and you never assaulted me physically but the way your words hurt caused an even greater damage. I would cry myself to sleep too often and I was dying inside, waiting for you to show me a little spark of kindness and gratitude because of everything I was doing for you.
All this time I have been alone with my thoughts. I have been alone and I have gone through all of these things by myself. Because every time I tried talking to you about us, about myself, about what I was going through, you would shut me up, telling me that it was all in my head and we would go back to talking about you.
It was a stormy night when you told me that you were going to sleep at a friend’s house that I realized that I didn’t need you. I didn’t need anyone. I only needed myself.
Because of the fact that all this time I was so alone and lonely, I realized that I was strong enough to deal with the world all by myself. After I had realized what amount of pain I had been through and how much suffering I had survived and because of the fact that you weren’t able to love me the way I deserved, I realized how powerful I really am.
Even though you made me go through hell, I was able to realize my own worth. I was able to realize how worthy of love and affection I really am. Even though you kept telling me that I didn’t deserve kindness and generosity, even though I believed you for a while, I was finally able to break free from your grasp into a new life. I am finally able to see that I am worthy.
I am worthy of so much more than you were giving me. I am worthy of love, affection and appreciation. I am worthy of surprise dates, walks underneath the stars and forehead kisses. I am worthy of respect, trust and honesty. I am worthy.
For realizing all of this, I really do have you to thank. My whole body is against that thought but I know that if it wasn’t for you and the hell you put me through, I would have never realized that I deserved the whole world given from the heart of a human being.
Because of you I will never again settle for anything less than I deserve. Once was more than enough. I am finally able to put myself first because I had no other choice. You didn’t lose a second thinking about how I was doing so why should I think about you? I won’t. Ever again.
My worth isn’t defined by how much I do for you or how much crap I can take from you. My worth is defined by myself and if I am ready to take a step into the direction of self-care, self-respect and self-love. And believe me, I am.
Every woman out there should know that no man has the right to put her down or make her feel worthless, like she doesn’t deserve love. Because she does. Every woman out there deserves so much more than she is given and she is worthy of so much more than people tell her.
I have taken everything into my own hands and I hope that every other woman out there will, too. Because we are worth being fought for, we are worth being chased and we are worthy of commitment. If anyone tells us otherwise, they are not worthy of our presence.