To The Stupid Boy Who Just Used Her
I have no better or more accurate words to describe you than ‘the stupid boy’. What else would you call a grown-ass man who used a good woman as a toy? What else do you call someone who is so scared to feel that he leaves destruction wherever he goes? What else do you call a man who gambles his chance for true love without even being aware of it?
I think ‘stupid boy’ just about sums it up. You see, you never deserved to be called a man. Your behavior was so childish, so immature. A real man, a man worth knowing, would never make a woman fall for him without any intention of loving her. He would never make promises without having any intention of keeping them. He would never do that but you would.
You would come in and out of her life like her feelings were something she could turn on and off on command. You never figured out what you wanted so you kept luring her into your mess. You wanted to be in her life but you wanted to be free at the same time. That’s why you kept breaking her heart, by leaving and repairing it when you came back.
You were her greatest weakness and you know that too well. You used that fact too many times. You knew that she would forgive the unforgivable. You knew that she would welcome you every time with her arms wide open and her heart full of hope, without even expecting you to say, “I am sorry.”
She was there for you even when you weren’t by her side. You knew she was just a call away and she would always be there to listen to your problems, she would always be there to help. She wasn’t clueless. She saw that you were using her. She saw that you were draining her emotionally. She knew that this love she was feeling was unhealthy but she couldn’t help it. She knew that you would always come back, that’s why she tolerated everything.
You would buy her affection time and time again with tales of your happy future together. You would make plans. You would share your dreams. You would even name your future children. You were all in one second and you were entirely out of the picture the next. Your inconsistency was killing her but she held on for those beautiful moments you shared. She never realized those moments were an illusion you created. They were made from false promises and empty words, they were never backed up with anything you did, they were there to keep her hanging on to you.
But she never could have imagined that there would be a day when you would stop coming back. That was the moment in which her soul got broken. That was the moment in which her eyes began to open for the first time in a long time and she saw you for who you really were—a stupid, immature boy who used her feelings against her.
She has decided she is not going to give her heart to anybody again. She will lock it away and throw away the key. The pain was too great. She felt played and used in more ways than one. She hated that feeling and she made it her life’s mission never to feel like that again. She doesn’t want love to cloud her judgment. She doesn’t want her feelings to be the death of her.
She blamed herself for being so naive. She couldn’t believe she allowed you to treat her so poorly. She couldn’t believe how blinding love can be. Eventually, the blame stopped. She soothed her heart a bit. She realized that there’s no going back.
She realized that you were just the lesson she had to learn. You were the most destructive lesson, which still hurts. All she can do now is is breathe, cry, grieve and take one step at a time through all that pain until she finally heals.
Oh, you stupid boy, can’t you see how much damage you have caused?